People

So I'm sitting outside work. Here hours early. That seems to be the thing now.. Asking for a ride when I can get one. A lot harder now. Summer was going well. Then it changed. I thought it was gonna be all fun ha. Then it changed.  I'm sitting here. I can see where I use to live.  I miss my dogs. How horrible to rip that away from someone and feel ok about it. She was my best friend. Gone. Flash forward. Letting you're past in. She was my best friend. Less than a month she caused pain I will this time never get over. In between that another lost friend. I will more than likely have a hard time getting past.  I still have one consistent person who I can go to anytime.. Emily. Not even a worry that she is the definition of someone true. 

I've been constantly warned about someone who I love so much. But for almost six years she hasn't budged. No matter what. She's not just hanging out for her health. I know she cares about me. And loves me. We have had our differences but she is always there no matter what. I think it's no secret that I've been upset lately. I'm mostly mad at myself. Facebook drama would suggest I'm having a hard time getting over the x... This isn't the case. As much as I still very much love that girl we fell out of love a long time ago and I had the balls to move forward on it. And still got the bad guy rep for it. That's ok. I mostly have been questioning why I've let certain people into life and did what they wanted me to do.. Live the life they wanted. No one ever let me be me and now I feel kinda lost.  Trying to be a good person. I've  made some mistakes.. But who doesn't. I'm trying to change my luck. I care about being with one person and if that doesn't happen. Then I'm not meant to date at all for awhile. And even I wanna build my life up before I can commit to her. I miss all my close friends. I hate when people grow apart. I've just always held on to people that mean something. I've never been able to discard them so easy. But after present events that exactly what I must do. It's time to change my life all together. I'm saving every penny for a car. Then to find a stable home. Then to be around people who will love me no matter what and snap the fuck out of this depression because I promise I hate it just as much as anyone who reads it hates it. But it's here and it's a part of me and I won't let it over come me. If I keep it in ill explode. And ain't nobody got time for that. 

So this isn't a blog of sadness only a blog of me venting and that's about it. Wish I could report more happening with my life but still pretty much the same. 

~Jenn~