So, its been many many hours since I have actually slept and days since i have actually eaten a real meal...my sis just made me eat a banana...but the jeans i couldn't comfortably fit i can now..hahah..anyways a certain someone convinced me to get a plenty of fish account...ahhaha let me tell you...funny stuff..i didn't put a pic up at first...i just wanted to look around bc i was bored and its funny seeing people you know on there and what they say..so then i added a few pics..and boom....those girls were blowing me up...some scarey...a couple really hot..ive only talk to 2 out of the 3000 that messaged me....(exaggeration btw) now I am not in to online dating at all and it scares me..but it keeps me busy. and well i need some confidence and cheering up right now...it was funny i was sitting with Jen and we noticed we got a message from the same girl....said the same thing..so we both responded with the same answer..yeah those are my perks these days..but it was comical. i refuse to date online or date right now..i mean how could I? i wont be ready for that until i survive 2012...as you can tell I am in better spirits today..moms appointment went well and the bad fall she had last night didn't effect any of her healing...it was scary though to come in a see your mom on the floor. and paramedics all around and the family...oh the family I am at a loss for words on whats going on...what ever happen to staying strong...protecting the ones you really love...people just piss that away don't they? I don't...i respect each person I love...maybe that comes from losing people I loved...but anyways...today was better.. minus a almost... i don't know what you call it, high school gay drama shit that my name was drug in to...classy. I guess ridiculous stuff like that..given my family stuff right now, just isn't important. Right now my concern is my mom and getting her to the health she needs to be...I don't care about dating...people who claim they love me...but show none of the signs...and just craziness! no time.i took my past break up bad...i mean what kind of asshole acts like they just don't care...well...eh..with all that's happened though its put some thoughts in my head to maybe i jumped the gun on some of the stuff .....blah enough about that..so i wanna take a second to say..My bud..Emily Rupar...left this house at 1am last night to be with me and help me carry my mom up several steps to where she is now...and sat with me..and was there for me when this all was just to much for me..i don't think i have ever cried like last night..to see my mom cry is to much for me at times..but yeah she drove all the way down to SC to make sure i was OK. That is a true friend...its been a long time...since Joy that Ive had someone who cared so much. Thank you. Joy is moved away now..and I miss her still. Making plans to visit her this Jan and I cant wait!
So anyways...i took a random test on this gay POF thing...and it ask me like a billion questions on everything and It kinda pegged me on what I seem to want with a relationship..and realized I have never found this..so maybe that's my problem..i don't think anyone exists out there...hahah anyways this was the results of the main test...
*Interdependence
Bottom line: you need someone who likes frequent physical and emotional connection like you do, but who helps keeps dependency in check in the relationship so that you two do not lose your identities as individuals.
*Intimacy
you need someone who desires and reciprocates intimacy as much as you do.
*Self-efficacy
you need a partner who has a good degree of energy, enthusiasm and self-efficacy like you, as opposed to a partner who needs constant nurturance and reassurance to feel empowered and valued as person.
*Relationship readiness
ou need someone who is not looking to be taken care of, but rather who is realistic about the hard work it takes to build and maintain a stable and satisfying relationship.
*Communication
you need someone who is eager to give, collect and discuss information with you patiently versus communicate with you on superficial levels out of convenience.
*Conflict resolution
you need a partner who is patient, a “big picture thinker” and can relinquish control and pride to make the best decisions for the good and growth of the relationship.
*Sexuality
you need someone who regards sex as a meaningful bond between people in love and who appreciates when it is planned to some extent rather than completely spontaneous.
*Attitudes toward love
You need someone whose highest priority is your relationship and is willing to do the hard work to keep a transcendent level of love alive in the relationship.
*Preferred Expressions of Affection
This does not mean that you neither like nor need Verbal Communication. Rather, it suggests that you need someone who can show affection in ways other than just verbal expressions such as spontaneous compliments, frequent “I love you’s,” occasional notes for you to find and recognition of your achievements.
pretty much me. i guess. hahah as gay as it is..but i mean im gay...so yay! id like to find a real lesbian who doesnt believe in cheating and is pretty much awesome. so me? id like to date me. bwahahhahah ugh i need sleep...im gonna lay down before i meet some people out. i need to get my head away from reality for a bit...
thanks for reading and i offended you...well.as always...dont read..
~jenn~
Friday, December 30, 2011
Thursday, December 29, 2011
Family
Things are about to change drastically in mine. Everything is falling it apart and I guess you just don't realize that things can change like this. Family is suppose to be the safe place and where anything changes. Not the case lately. Recently I witnessed. Michael, the "step dad" physically threaten my moms life. It was hard to step up and be there in all the cops and the drama and get my mom out of there which was hard because she had a knee replacement and she is not mobile. So it's been hard. I hate I don't have a stable place to take her right now bc I myself have lost everything I cared about. My brother is gonna drive down and take her to NY to
Settle her there and hopefully start a new life. This leaves a lot of ties open on other issues. My nephew who has one year left of high school. So I'm thinking of getting an apartment down in rock hill and making sure he finishes school and then making sure he does something with his life. I've had so many people help me and I want to
Help him. I was his age when my "step dad" pulled this shit and I moved out. And I've been on my own since.. It's been hard but it makes me a better person. I think the issues I have with just wanting stability come from a life of instability and insecurities. I might not make enough money to please certain people or dress great bc well I can't afford it. But I absolutely love who I've become because of all that's happened. Sometimes I wish I knew other people like me. This has been hard on everyone and me going through this break up because all I wanna do is run to her and hug her but i Can't. And with the present issues going on I just am going in a billion different directions on how I feel. It really really sucks! But I can get through this and succeed because it's who I am. And I'm lucky I am a strong person and I don't resort to drugs, drinking or any kind of addiction. To help me through. And good cry and I'm
Good to go again. Which I do frequently these days. Doing it right now but I'm at my sisters so I'm trying not to. Because my mom gets so upset bc of what I'm dealing with. This is like the saddest blog ever. I dont blame anyone for where I am.. I just wish some things were more important including myself sometimes... Love is worth so much more than all this crap and I fear I'm the only one that sees this... Sure this will all pass and have a positive outcome. But it's
Gonna be a hard year. Unless 2012 really happens..hahah ahhh one could dream.. Sorry. Laughter. I'm trying.
Well that's about it for this sad blog. I think instead of trying to text someone to talk to them I'm gonna just write and if anyone cares to talk to me about. They will. Today has been rough. Yes. Well this whole month. Not my favorite. Ud think it was September. That's my bad luck
Month. December was my good
Month. Not this year! Oh well we'll I'm gonna go. I'm on my phone and of course it's dying. I'm
Gonna go see someone who takes the pressure off and just chill... Sorry it's depressing.. But that's life?
~Jenn~
Settle her there and hopefully start a new life. This leaves a lot of ties open on other issues. My nephew who has one year left of high school. So I'm thinking of getting an apartment down in rock hill and making sure he finishes school and then making sure he does something with his life. I've had so many people help me and I want to
Help him. I was his age when my "step dad" pulled this shit and I moved out. And I've been on my own since.. It's been hard but it makes me a better person. I think the issues I have with just wanting stability come from a life of instability and insecurities. I might not make enough money to please certain people or dress great bc well I can't afford it. But I absolutely love who I've become because of all that's happened. Sometimes I wish I knew other people like me. This has been hard on everyone and me going through this break up because all I wanna do is run to her and hug her but i Can't. And with the present issues going on I just am going in a billion different directions on how I feel. It really really sucks! But I can get through this and succeed because it's who I am. And I'm lucky I am a strong person and I don't resort to drugs, drinking or any kind of addiction. To help me through. And good cry and I'm
Good to go again. Which I do frequently these days. Doing it right now but I'm at my sisters so I'm trying not to. Because my mom gets so upset bc of what I'm dealing with. This is like the saddest blog ever. I dont blame anyone for where I am.. I just wish some things were more important including myself sometimes... Love is worth so much more than all this crap and I fear I'm the only one that sees this... Sure this will all pass and have a positive outcome. But it's
Gonna be a hard year. Unless 2012 really happens..hahah ahhh one could dream.. Sorry. Laughter. I'm trying.
Well that's about it for this sad blog. I think instead of trying to text someone to talk to them I'm gonna just write and if anyone cares to talk to me about. They will. Today has been rough. Yes. Well this whole month. Not my favorite. Ud think it was September. That's my bad luck
Month. December was my good
Month. Not this year! Oh well we'll I'm gonna go. I'm on my phone and of course it's dying. I'm
Gonna go see someone who takes the pressure off and just chill... Sorry it's depressing.. But that's life?
~Jenn~
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
welp thats about it.
So I got moved in to my new temporary place, with Emily. She was nice enough to let me use a room until i got myself all sorted out. I really hate moving..but when I moved this time..I realized..I had nothing. haha and it was short and sweet..Which is kinda depressing if you think about it..The whole time at my house. I stressed on cleaning and where to store everything and realized...its not my stuff...none of it. I think its gonna be a long time before I acutally ever move in with someone I date..bc going through this twice now..I am so upset and lost and then I feel like..what am I sad about..If I was wanted then Id still be around them right? One day someone will want me..but I am in the mentality of why do I care if anyone wants me. And why am I am writing about it. No one cares anyways..She clearly doesn't really care that my hearts feels like its been ripped out. I knew she never wanted it to clearly work..i just have a hard time excepting it now. Its hard dating someone who was ur friend first. Because everyone knows everyone, and the fill you in on the things you never really wanted to know on what ur x's are doing. maybe i am super upset because im sick right now and alone in bed..or maybe its because its ok for someone to text me all their feelings but if i respond...its sorry Jenn have a good night gotta go get drunk! with her new what ever he is. Im sorry. I feel like i have to write to get it out. I know it will get better which is what everyone tells me..but its not to hard to ask for honesty. I guess the only things that drives me crazy with relationships is that people get so close....so quick then fall apart quicker...then try to save it..some of them try really hard...and some of them look for the next best thing and peace out...bc they think they found it. I am also dealing with a very traumatic experience with mom..and watching something i never wanted to see..i don't want to get in to detail..but she is moving soon and hopefully shell get better..all these bad things happen all at once..this time i am lost..I have no idea how im going to pull myself out of where I am. and it scares the hell out of me..I have always been on top of everything..I have lately surrounded my life around a person or persons..that just don't care about anything ...so now ive gotten slack. I need to fix this asap. more working...more keeping busy...and less worrying about someone who doesn't want a fucking thing to do with me. i know this and everyone in my life knows this..but i like to think that she was the one thing i could cling to for safety..dammit.
blah I am all over the place..i guess i have to stop worrying now..its not my problem. i hate what this is doing to me on the inside. and i cant stand how i feel...and for what...someone who dismisses me as soon as other people that are better for her to be around..bullshit. I deserve better..I am gonna stop worrying about her now.
I wish I could say why this went this way. I know now when someone promises u the world. They only mean Their world and everything bad in it and things they aren't willing to
Change. Compromise. I wrote it before. It doesn't exist. One person tries and the other is miserable bc they pretend to want to. I talked to a co worker tonight bc he has been with his bf for 9 years I think. He said they had their problems. But they respected each other so much they knew what the right choice was and that was for them to be together so they got through it. He said it was hard but his love for him meant more than anything. If only some people had that mentality. I did.. And I tried so hard. With everything in my life. But for what. To be alone all over again. While everyone else just doesn't care. It's upsetting. I care so much. But I guess I have to stop. I feel like I'll always be the girl everyone loves but no one really wants. Frustrating! Maybe I need to change everything about me. Maybe im
Doing something wrong. It cant possibly be possible to just keep having this much bad luck
Right? This is all gay.. All this Hurt and for what.. Someone who completely has forgotten me.
So.. This is harsh I get it. Get over it? I dunno.. I needed to write. Gnight...
~Jenn~
blah I am all over the place..i guess i have to stop worrying now..its not my problem. i hate what this is doing to me on the inside. and i cant stand how i feel...and for what...someone who dismisses me as soon as other people that are better for her to be around..bullshit. I deserve better..I am gonna stop worrying about her now.
I wish I could say why this went this way. I know now when someone promises u the world. They only mean Their world and everything bad in it and things they aren't willing to
Change. Compromise. I wrote it before. It doesn't exist. One person tries and the other is miserable bc they pretend to want to. I talked to a co worker tonight bc he has been with his bf for 9 years I think. He said they had their problems. But they respected each other so much they knew what the right choice was and that was for them to be together so they got through it. He said it was hard but his love for him meant more than anything. If only some people had that mentality. I did.. And I tried so hard. With everything in my life. But for what. To be alone all over again. While everyone else just doesn't care. It's upsetting. I care so much. But I guess I have to stop. I feel like I'll always be the girl everyone loves but no one really wants. Frustrating! Maybe I need to change everything about me. Maybe im
Doing something wrong. It cant possibly be possible to just keep having this much bad luck
Right? This is all gay.. All this Hurt and for what.. Someone who completely has forgotten me.
So.. This is harsh I get it. Get over it? I dunno.. I needed to write. Gnight...
~Jenn~
Thursday, December 22, 2011
All good things...
Not sure where to go, Everybody I know, Says I'm too forgiving.
And now that I'm gone, I don't wanna move on, I just keep reliving....Lost inside of my head, Empty side of the bed, I feel this place without you.
I keep pushing the bruise, 'Cause I don't want to lose, What I love about you...love the weepies. Very smart people. I am finally writing bc things have overwhelmed me and I'm just sad. Number one goal. Don't cry while writing. So this week I've been at the hospital a lot with my mom.. She got a knee replacement and it's been super rough. I don't like seeing my mom in there. After losing my dad and seeing him for the last time in a hospital.. It weighs on your heart and mind. I'm literally shaking as I'm writing this. She seems to be doing fine. But she's in so much pain.. It hurts me so hard to see it.. So I just go and sit and be with her and if she wakes up I'm there so she can talk to me..teresa has been there too which is good. She got released today and is safely at home. I've been dealing with a lot of other issues... Sometimes I just wanna wrote about It then sometimes I get to sad and can't..
I remember first meeting up with u and taking a long walk.. Then inviting u over and sitting nervously beside each other... Where did they go? The two that feel so hard so fast for each other. It's sad. I know what I want... But im not sure it matters anymore..
This is by far the worst xmas eve ever! I'm sitting at home. Alone ... Been laying in the dark. Playing music... Messing on Facebook. Thinking of a billions things i could do... Wondering when everything got bad in my life and why.. I seem to be following a cycle
Not sure how to get out of.. I really just want to be happy.. I want such basic things in life.. But I literally have no idea how to obtain them
This does not feel like Xmas eve... My dogs aren't here.. The girl I'm in love with isn't here... My life isn't here anymore... I'm not ready to start a new one..it doesn't feel right. What is this pain in my body I'm feeling... It's horrible! What if instead of heartache u got like a foot ache. So when u lose the one u wanted for life.. Ur toe hurts. That's be interesting.. Always trying to make light of a situation. I truly hope things work out. Whatever they work out to be..Because this feeling isn't ok.. Maybe it's karma for something I did.. I can't think of what though.. Maybe it's just fate. Hate that word. But we all knew that. I've been writing this for three days now... And I cry each time.. It's getting better. I'm ready to skate again... We've been on break for the holidays And I need something to get me focused! We won the chocolate refuse grant that everyone so awesomely voted for! Thank you!! That's really exciting. Rumour has it I'll be making an appearance on the website saying we won! Well not me actually saying it hahah. Looking forward to our new season. Coming up this year! We have a new facility At break away sports! Pretty excited about it! Anyways. Gonna try and get some sleep.. Not been much possible.. I know santas not visiting tonight.. Sad. Waking up to no one or nothing on Xmas is sad. I don't care who u are. Breaks my heart... Anyways thanks for reading this silly sad blog.. It felt better to get some of it out. It's not. Pity party attempt.. I'm just sad. Gnight.
~Jenn~
And now that I'm gone, I don't wanna move on, I just keep reliving....Lost inside of my head, Empty side of the bed, I feel this place without you.
I keep pushing the bruise, 'Cause I don't want to lose, What I love about you...love the weepies. Very smart people. I am finally writing bc things have overwhelmed me and I'm just sad. Number one goal. Don't cry while writing. So this week I've been at the hospital a lot with my mom.. She got a knee replacement and it's been super rough. I don't like seeing my mom in there. After losing my dad and seeing him for the last time in a hospital.. It weighs on your heart and mind. I'm literally shaking as I'm writing this. She seems to be doing fine. But she's in so much pain.. It hurts me so hard to see it.. So I just go and sit and be with her and if she wakes up I'm there so she can talk to me..teresa has been there too which is good. She got released today and is safely at home. I've been dealing with a lot of other issues... Sometimes I just wanna wrote about It then sometimes I get to sad and can't..
I remember first meeting up with u and taking a long walk.. Then inviting u over and sitting nervously beside each other... Where did they go? The two that feel so hard so fast for each other. It's sad. I know what I want... But im not sure it matters anymore..
This is by far the worst xmas eve ever! I'm sitting at home. Alone ... Been laying in the dark. Playing music... Messing on Facebook. Thinking of a billions things i could do... Wondering when everything got bad in my life and why.. I seem to be following a cycle
Not sure how to get out of.. I really just want to be happy.. I want such basic things in life.. But I literally have no idea how to obtain them
This does not feel like Xmas eve... My dogs aren't here.. The girl I'm in love with isn't here... My life isn't here anymore... I'm not ready to start a new one..it doesn't feel right. What is this pain in my body I'm feeling... It's horrible! What if instead of heartache u got like a foot ache. So when u lose the one u wanted for life.. Ur toe hurts. That's be interesting.. Always trying to make light of a situation. I truly hope things work out. Whatever they work out to be..Because this feeling isn't ok.. Maybe it's karma for something I did.. I can't think of what though.. Maybe it's just fate. Hate that word. But we all knew that. I've been writing this for three days now... And I cry each time.. It's getting better. I'm ready to skate again... We've been on break for the holidays And I need something to get me focused! We won the chocolate refuse grant that everyone so awesomely voted for! Thank you!! That's really exciting. Rumour has it I'll be making an appearance on the website saying we won! Well not me actually saying it hahah. Looking forward to our new season. Coming up this year! We have a new facility At break away sports! Pretty excited about it! Anyways. Gonna try and get some sleep.. Not been much possible.. I know santas not visiting tonight.. Sad. Waking up to no one or nothing on Xmas is sad. I don't care who u are. Breaks my heart... Anyways thanks for reading this silly sad blog.. It felt better to get some of it out. It's not. Pity party attempt.. I'm just sad. Gnight.
~Jenn~
Friday, December 9, 2011
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Please Vote For The Charlotte Speed Demons!!
WE are trying to win a grant from Refuel With Chocolate Milk! And we need you help! Please Visit this page once a day and vote for The Charlotte Speed Demons!!It only Takes a second!!! Thank you!!
http://www.refuelwithchocolatemilk.com/grants/vote/
IF LINK DOES NOT WORK COPY AND PASTE IN BROWSER! ITS BEING SILLS!
THANK YOU!!
~JENN~
http://www.refuelwithchocolatemilk.com/grants/vote/
IF LINK DOES NOT WORK COPY AND PASTE IN BROWSER! ITS BEING SILLS!
THANK YOU!!
~JENN~
Friday, October 14, 2011
Life..
So got the house yesterday! It feels good to be approved and have decent credit. Worked my ass off enough. Still super stressed out about it all. ( amd they googled me in the background checked and freaked when a jennifer phillips was a sex offender!! Not me btw!!) But it's huge!! And yeah we got a third roommate But he is pretty Kool;) Chewys my man! Amazing back yard for the pups and a nice garage!! It's been a rough road. And still more ahead I'm sure. But I'm thankful for every little thing I have in my life and I'm thankful for being able to respect that and not take it for granted. I know I can lose it all in a split second. But I am gonna work hard to not let that happen! So the house is 3 bedroom 3 1/2 bath with a huge basement. So chewy claimed that as his man cave. So it's like we have top floor. We share middle and chewy gets bottom. Hehehe he wishes;)-
So anyways here are a few pics of the place. We are starting to move later today!! And hopefully settled by the weekend. I still have half a month to
Stay in my apartment. But why would I?!
I also have a doc ap on Monday morning. I hope everything checks out. Bc I'm tired of waiting!!! Wish me luck!!!
Peace out
~Jenn~
So anyways here are a few pics of the place. We are starting to move later today!! And hopefully settled by the weekend. I still have half a month to
Stay in my apartment. But why would I?!
I also have a doc ap on Monday morning. I hope everything checks out. Bc I'm tired of waiting!!! Wish me luck!!!
Peace out
~Jenn~
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
I gotta keep believing this..
Bc it was the most honest thing wrote about me. I posted it awhile ago but , well ill post it again!!
It seemed interesting, so I thought Id repost it...
Who is Jennifer Dawn Phillips?
Someone that carries themselves in the most positive way possibly. Someone that knows the meaning of negative, but chooses not to acknowledge it. Someone that doesn't ask for respect..but recieves an immense amount of it.. Someone who's door is always open.. Someone who will give and help and never, ever ask for anything in return..but what makes you "you"..is the fact that you never expect anything, you do good because it's what you believe in.. it's not to be cool..or to be liked..it's because it is naturally part of who you are..Your someone that has loved, been loved..gotten hurt..came out of it on top.. You're a listener..a watcher..you observe and take note to the people around you..their actions..you are genuine...you are honest..even if its not the best thing to say at that certain time.. you have the courage to do it..because you say what you believe in..regardless of the reprecussions..your one of a kind..you love music..all types of music..but you don't listen to much hip hop on your own time. your someone that has seen blue october numerous times..and your the someone that thinks tori amos is a bitch to her fans. Your also someone that thoroughly enjoyed the macoroni bites..and you think jack in the box mad a lame decision... hmm.. your someone that refers to carowinds as a dirty whore of an ex. you think fighting is redneck.. .. your someone that has the ability to say whats going through your head..something that a lot of people should be jealous of..because it's difficult to put it out there. your someone that is okay with themselves..your someone that gets "hey u look like Brittany" you can rock a backwards hat..your loyal..very loyal.. and trustworthy..you wont betray someone for a quick laugh..when people confide in you, you take pride in that..and from that pride..you keep whatever it is that they need to get off their chest, to yourself. But you are also capable of beating a bitch ..if a bitch were to ever cross a line.. you stand up for the people you care about.. because you know those people will always be there for you.. your someone that can have a blast just lip sinking to the spice girls..and if there's some beer you may even just say screw the lip sinking and start belting it out like its your job. You don't let people's judgments bother you.. but you wouldnt want a close friend upset with you.. you know the difference between what's important and what's not. You are someone that covers their eyes when you sleep.. and your someone that just wants to go to the fucking beach.. you like sugar babies..and mini sirloin burgers.. you like the roller derby girls...your also someone that will put up with a lot of BULL SHIT.. and NO..it's not because you don't have the balls to stand up for yourself.. it's because you like to help people, and be there for them.. and half the time you get dicked over its when your helping someone.. so part of you is frustrated..but the other part..still wants to help them..and thats something you believe in..and like i said.. you are someone that stands up for what you believe in.. so it's not that you dont stand up for yourself..it's that your torn..and your thinking about the pros and cons.. your someone that is very hard to push over the edge.. and your someone that's reading this and like g.d. this is random..and long..so..these are just some of the attributes that make you who u are.. just certain characteristics that are a part of you.. All in all.. who is Jennifer Dawn Phillips...Jennifer Dawn Phillips. a.k.a. (you are you) and you fucking rock it.
You are also someone that just wants people to take of their mother fuckin shoes once they walk thru that mother fuckin door.
If you didnt know anything about me. that pretty much hit the nail in the head...
gnight.
~Jenn~
It seemed interesting, so I thought Id repost it...
Who is Jennifer Dawn Phillips?
Someone that carries themselves in the most positive way possibly. Someone that knows the meaning of negative, but chooses not to acknowledge it. Someone that doesn't ask for respect..but recieves an immense amount of it.. Someone who's door is always open.. Someone who will give and help and never, ever ask for anything in return..but what makes you "you"..is the fact that you never expect anything, you do good because it's what you believe in.. it's not to be cool..or to be liked..it's because it is naturally part of who you are..Your someone that has loved, been loved..gotten hurt..came out of it on top.. You're a listener..a watcher..you observe and take note to the people around you..their actions..you are genuine...you are honest..even if its not the best thing to say at that certain time.. you have the courage to do it..because you say what you believe in..regardless of the reprecussions..your one of a kind..you love music..all types of music..but you don't listen to much hip hop on your own time. your someone that has seen blue october numerous times..and your the someone that thinks tori amos is a bitch to her fans. Your also someone that thoroughly enjoyed the macoroni bites..and you think jack in the box mad a lame decision... hmm.. your someone that refers to carowinds as a dirty whore of an ex. you think fighting is redneck.. .. your someone that has the ability to say whats going through your head..something that a lot of people should be jealous of..because it's difficult to put it out there. your someone that is okay with themselves..your someone that gets "hey u look like Brittany" you can rock a backwards hat..your loyal..very loyal.. and trustworthy..you wont betray someone for a quick laugh..when people confide in you, you take pride in that..and from that pride..you keep whatever it is that they need to get off their chest, to yourself. But you are also capable of beating a bitch ..if a bitch were to ever cross a line.. you stand up for the people you care about.. because you know those people will always be there for you.. your someone that can have a blast just lip sinking to the spice girls..and if there's some beer you may even just say screw the lip sinking and start belting it out like its your job. You don't let people's judgments bother you.. but you wouldnt want a close friend upset with you.. you know the difference between what's important and what's not. You are someone that covers their eyes when you sleep.. and your someone that just wants to go to the fucking beach.. you like sugar babies..and mini sirloin burgers.. you like the roller derby girls...your also someone that will put up with a lot of BULL SHIT.. and NO..it's not because you don't have the balls to stand up for yourself.. it's because you like to help people, and be there for them.. and half the time you get dicked over its when your helping someone.. so part of you is frustrated..but the other part..still wants to help them..and thats something you believe in..and like i said.. you are someone that stands up for what you believe in.. so it's not that you dont stand up for yourself..it's that your torn..and your thinking about the pros and cons.. your someone that is very hard to push over the edge.. and your someone that's reading this and like g.d. this is random..and long..so..these are just some of the attributes that make you who u are.. just certain characteristics that are a part of you.. All in all.. who is Jennifer Dawn Phillips...Jennifer Dawn Phillips. a.k.a. (you are you) and you fucking rock it.
You are also someone that just wants people to take of their mother fuckin shoes once they walk thru that mother fuckin door.
If you didnt know anything about me. that pretty much hit the nail in the head...
gnight.
~Jenn~
Friday, September 30, 2011
A chill night.
Hanging with good people. I wish everyone was good people. Hmm not everyone can be that kool I guess. Here's to wishing! Oh yeah my little
Boxer rocks to0 ;-)~
~jenn~
Boxer rocks to0 ;-)~
~jenn~
Friday, September 23, 2011
Our newest member
So we adopted this guys from the humane society. He is a sweety and we names him guiness! Tyber loves him and it's great! We are moving to a bigger two bedroom apt here bc our fag ( fact!) neighbors complain about everything!!! Like we talk to loud, they say we are partying! So yeah. We are moving away from them! And the new place is huge!! So yeah. Here is some pics of the pups!
~jenn~
~jenn~
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Pics from the beach
So the vacation went by fast. I mean duh it was a road trip.. One day.. Way to much driving.. But we had fun. Tyber loved the ocean and met some fun dogs on the beach we went to. Fort fisher! Short blog but we had a blast and I met some of abbys friends! So here are some pics;)
~Jenn~
~Jenn~
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Vacation?
Yes please. Ok so maybe I am one of those people. About the dog. Haha but I am super excited he came with us on vacation! And he loves it!! He is like a kid!! And we are having a great night!! It's 337 am and we are still going strong!!! So I took a min to write this;)- so I leave u with this pic! And it's kool that pet Friendly places are out there and exsist!! Thanks!
~jenn~
~jenn~
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Our little man
This is tyber! Aka tyberlicious! Aka tye master 5000. He is a good pup super smart. We've taught him lots of tricks and stuff. So not much u can really blog about a dog before it becomes creepy and u become on of those people hahaha. Anyways. Peace out!!
~Jenn~
~Jenn~
Saturday, September 10, 2011
So..
I just cleaned my entire house in hopes to feel better. It didn't work.. Oh no. Perhaps a bath.
Bother.
~jenn~
Bother.
~jenn~
Friday, September 9, 2011
So I got this new blog app!
And I'm testing it's koolness! So it seems to do a lot of kool things. I'll try and post a pic now;)
..Good qoute.
" The most important things are the hardest things to say. They are the things you get ashamed of because words diminish your feelings - words shrink things that seem timeless when they are in your head to no more than living size when they are brought out."
Stephen King.
Stephen King.
Thursday, September 1, 2011
I shaved an asain!!!
it was fun...i havent shaved anyone before..it was neat. hahahah he looks like Musuka from Dexter! hahahah
~JenN~
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Vacation? What's that?
So I'm in need of a vaca. For realzzzz! It's been rough. Working a whole bunch. Whoooooooole bunch. Moneys been good so can't complain. I just want a vacation. Ya see a bit of bad luck Has been thrown my way. Abby broke her leg last week so thats been a challenge.
I got in to a little wreck.. And I had to go see a doctor about something pretty important to me.. Ofcourse I'm not gonna talk about it. But I hope nothing comes of it. So far so good;) so anyways. I'm just cleaning the house until my girl gets home. I'm an excellent house wife. Hahah I got her a present:) so tonight I'm gonna make a cornitA rita!! Super tasty!! Anyways. I'm doing this On my Phone. So it sucks trying to type. But yeah thanks for still randomly checking to see if I write. Ya stalkers;) Jk peace out!
~jenn~
I got in to a little wreck.. And I had to go see a doctor about something pretty important to me.. Ofcourse I'm not gonna talk about it. But I hope nothing comes of it. So far so good;) so anyways. I'm just cleaning the house until my girl gets home. I'm an excellent house wife. Hahah I got her a present:) so tonight I'm gonna make a cornitA rita!! Super tasty!! Anyways. I'm doing this On my Phone. So it sucks trying to type. But yeah thanks for still randomly checking to see if I write. Ya stalkers;) Jk peace out!
~jenn~
Saturday, August 13, 2011
Monday, August 8, 2011
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
Derby Blog whaaaaA?
Yea so I am kinda putting together a derby blog..you can find it at http://jenndphillips2.blogspot.com. its a work in progress, but ill be uploading pic and maybe video of our upcoming games and such and writing about things I am experiencing and such! So check it out...follow me and tell ur friends;) haha
~jenn~
~jenn~
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Sunday, July 24, 2011
It's 1am, i like frosted flakes.
So how long has it been since I wrote here? I have been through so much since my real last entry, but mostly all good stuff this time. First off, Abby and I are doing well. We got a cute little place in Ballantyne and we are making this work..sure we are working our ass off and I feel like I never see her. But at night...I have her beside me and it feels great. I am not use to writing about love and all that mushy stuff, if you know me then you know how most of my blogs are blunt and not so sweet...but honest. eh..ok so there is so much to talk about. I have pretty much started over in life...this time the smart way, not that i ever made bad decisions..but I can honestly say I gave people to much of my trust and it ran me in the ground. Now I have a little group of friends..and I like it that way..I have Chewie and Shane..I enjoy a couple of my regulars I have met bar-tending...and my derby girls.And of course Abby..my best...its a nice balance and no crazies involved. Doesn't mean I got them out of my life..but they are not directly involved anymore..some people baffle me and the way they think...like getting a text message from someone who deleted and added you on Facebook more then they prolly change their underwear...someone who was a complete cheating jerk..and pretty much took myself from me...and told me they were proud of me recently..hahaha really? What side of crazy did you wake up on that day? I dontt ever need you to tell me your proud of my accomplishments..ever. That was an ignored text..speaking of my phone, I went to restore and boy did i ever ...right back to the beginning of time..hahaha and i forgot to back it up recently...so it was like my phone was living in January again..hahah but it backed it up to calls and texts i hadn't seen in forever...that was funny. That is the only reason I hate the iPhone. Not kool!
Now on to more neat things...I was in my first Derby game July this past month...It was amazing..I was worried about falling when they called me out and introduced me..so scared..but once that went away...it was fine...I only played a few times, I have so much to learn...but I love it and every practice I get it more and more. The reason it has taking me so long..well here is the story...haha I joined when they first started...Then my relationship turned out to be a sham so this put me in the depressed state...and I had to move in with joy and work more so I didn't have much time for derby...sad. Well then I finally got a place and life was good...and I had three jobs but made it to derby...well then...crazy is as crazy does..I had another unfortunate situation and so I had to move to Indian trail...so more work...less derby...to much driving..well got life figured out a bit...Abby being there for me..it started going well. I made time for derby and I have been going strong ever since...And They are so awesome to understand all the ridiculous stuff I went through..And I do not plan on ever leaving...as long as I can help it. I have finally reached the goal of being in the game so now...I wanna be the best I can be for the team. I have gotten beat up and last Thursday a punch in the face, by an unidentified fist..hahah no hard feelings...The more i hurt after practice the happier I am I do this..
I got noticed tonight at work from my article in the newspaper (http://www.charlotteobserver.com/2011/07/10/2436583/novices-find-fun-friendships-in.html) .about derby ...I was happy about that. She said shes seen the team around and sometimes does work where we practice, she thought it was awesome, and of course i tried to talk her in to joining..Anyone who reads this and is interested, you should totally inquire about it..you'll love it!
Gah I miss my GF...shes not withme at the moment..and It effin stinks..I miss you!! II am kinda disappointed in the writing tonight..I have so much more in my head, why the hell cant i type it...I think because I keep looking forward the things I want to happen in the future that writing about anything in the past might bring me down and isn't worth it.
So I think ill end it now..its 2am and I am getting tired...time to watch Apple Tv till I pass out...and im gonna cuddle with Tye..Thanks for reading...Ill try and keep up more of this..it makes me feel better to write..so Gnight all...and goodnight Abby,,i miss you!
~Jenn~
Now on to more neat things...I was in my first Derby game July this past month...It was amazing..I was worried about falling when they called me out and introduced me..so scared..but once that went away...it was fine...I only played a few times, I have so much to learn...but I love it and every practice I get it more and more. The reason it has taking me so long..well here is the story...haha I joined when they first started...Then my relationship turned out to be a sham so this put me in the depressed state...and I had to move in with joy and work more so I didn't have much time for derby...sad. Well then I finally got a place and life was good...and I had three jobs but made it to derby...well then...crazy is as crazy does..I had another unfortunate situation and so I had to move to Indian trail...so more work...less derby...to much driving..well got life figured out a bit...Abby being there for me..it started going well. I made time for derby and I have been going strong ever since...And They are so awesome to understand all the ridiculous stuff I went through..And I do not plan on ever leaving...as long as I can help it. I have finally reached the goal of being in the game so now...I wanna be the best I can be for the team. I have gotten beat up and last Thursday a punch in the face, by an unidentified fist..hahah no hard feelings...The more i hurt after practice the happier I am I do this..
I got noticed tonight at work from my article in the newspaper (http://www.charlotteobserver.com/2011/07/10/2436583/novices-find-fun-friendships-in.html) .about derby ...I was happy about that. She said shes seen the team around and sometimes does work where we practice, she thought it was awesome, and of course i tried to talk her in to joining..Anyone who reads this and is interested, you should totally inquire about it..you'll love it!
Gah I miss my GF...shes not withme at the moment..and It effin stinks..I miss you!! II am kinda disappointed in the writing tonight..I have so much more in my head, why the hell cant i type it...I think because I keep looking forward the things I want to happen in the future that writing about anything in the past might bring me down and isn't worth it.
So I think ill end it now..its 2am and I am getting tired...time to watch Apple Tv till I pass out...and im gonna cuddle with Tye..Thanks for reading...Ill try and keep up more of this..it makes me feel better to write..so Gnight all...and goodnight Abby,,i miss you!
~Jenn~
Saturday, July 9, 2011
Sunday, May 29, 2011
Just an update..
There is indeed much to write about...but I am sleepy but i did wanna post this...because I am so very happy I finally did it!! Thanks to all of the help and awesomeness you all gave me!! I am ready to kick ass!!
http://racecityrollerderby.com/author/jennifer-phillips/
~Jenn~
http://racecityrollerderby.com/author/jennifer-phillips/
~Jenn~
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
lets rearrange..
Have you ever loved someone so much..that you really just cant put in to words how much you actually do. And no ,matter how much you seem to show it, you just cant get the feeling across. It all started with a girl...who was broken. More broken than she will ever let anyone know...presently still. Who uses her joking and humor as away to feel accepted and not so insecure. Who trys to work so much so she doesn't have time to think straight. Enter gorgeous girl, without a care in the world. So much freedom on life..and doesn't need to worry about much. The two meet..one who is so stressed out from life and one who takes life day by day...Now the first girl...really is care free...so is the second...they meet, and it seems to be the most perfect thing..So why does girl number one get scared.
In case you don't know, girl number one is me. Insecurity seems to be my middle name. I will never run or give up. I just want to make everyone happy, and I want everyone to not hurt and to smile..and I just want the whole world to be. OK. I separate myself from everyone most of the time mentally. I look at things differently and I see whats important. Do i get worried? sure. Do i stress out? who doesnt? I know things are ok..but just as I think they can be...something happens. yet I keep on moving day to day living life forgiving and forgetting. Its what I do best. I am not a fighter..I have pretty much removed myself from stressful situations. So why do I feel so out of place..maybe im use to chaos..and I dont know how to handle the calm:/
So yeah..im not really sure where this is going...I just know..my life needs to take a turn for some goodness. I am ready to have a real job and be a little more stable..I don't know what stable it..I mean really stable...a home to call my own and to stay put. This moving thing is getting to be a tad bit ridiculous. I use to be able to write so well..but now, im not sure what to say?
I know I am ready for the summer...and to skate as much as possible. and to become extremely well at it..I really try so hard to make this my biggest priority but its so hard when you have to work all the time..That is why i need a stable early in the day job..eh one day;)
and...yeah after this kool phone call i had, im done writing. gnight.
~Jenn~
In case you don't know, girl number one is me. Insecurity seems to be my middle name. I will never run or give up. I just want to make everyone happy, and I want everyone to not hurt and to smile..and I just want the whole world to be. OK. I separate myself from everyone most of the time mentally. I look at things differently and I see whats important. Do i get worried? sure. Do i stress out? who doesnt? I know things are ok..but just as I think they can be...something happens. yet I keep on moving day to day living life forgiving and forgetting. Its what I do best. I am not a fighter..I have pretty much removed myself from stressful situations. So why do I feel so out of place..maybe im use to chaos..and I dont know how to handle the calm:/
So yeah..im not really sure where this is going...I just know..my life needs to take a turn for some goodness. I am ready to have a real job and be a little more stable..I don't know what stable it..I mean really stable...a home to call my own and to stay put. This moving thing is getting to be a tad bit ridiculous. I use to be able to write so well..but now, im not sure what to say?
I know I am ready for the summer...and to skate as much as possible. and to become extremely well at it..I really try so hard to make this my biggest priority but its so hard when you have to work all the time..That is why i need a stable early in the day job..eh one day;)
and...yeah after this kool phone call i had, im done writing. gnight.
~Jenn~
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
what are you waiting for...
for me to write another blog? yeah me too...whats taking me so long? I couldn't tell you..maybe its bc I am happy...or maybe to depressed to write...or maybe I am not sure so I cant actually write about the way I feel and I cant believe where I am right now..Im falling apart, but maybe falling in to the right spots..Ah! I like where I am , but wish things could be a lot different. I cant tell you how much thoughts and ideas I have wanted to put in a blog, now its all built up in my head..so this may be long.
I wanna first start off by saying I am dating someone new. I took a huge step giving who the person is and our past...But if you know me, I get past things really quickly. The girl I have decided to have the "unobtainable" me ( someone told me this once) is just plain amazing! I really dont know where I'd be without her, bc it just seems to make sense where I am with her. Already so comfortable I feel like ive been dating her for years..which is very rare for me to feel so comfortable around anyone. There have been obstacles..her parents...ridiculous drama that really doesnt have to involve us, but found its way in and was quickly shut down. eh, youll have that . Its silly. I'd be embarrassed if I actually got off on enjoying all that.
anyways. It baffles me on how some people can be when it comes to not loving or treating someone with care even if they are gay. It wont change. We arent going to go anywhere..Why do people feel it necessary to change us? And If i have to hear that we are going through a stage..one more time..I am 30...Im pretty certain there is no stage. I don't know. I want to get more heated and site specific details on this but I do not wanna disrespect anyone either. I do believe in order to get respect we must give it to those who are not comfortable with who we are. But still..I really have to many thoughts on all of this. I cant even continue writing about it. hahah
So I left Wags in the city...I had to move to Indian trail..for silly reasons..but I have always been the one to just pick up and move, to make sure everyone is comfortable...its actually starting to piss me off...how is this fair? I want stability to. I want a place I don't actually have to leave. I had that once...mistake leaving. I am super stressed about money. Where I live at the moment isnt convenient or gas friendly..but they were nice enough to give me a place when I Had nowhere..So i am very thankful..I am about to transfer Chilis. So Either Blakney or The Arboretum. Not sure yet. But it will be closer and I will hopefully work more shifts...bc I am not getting them at my Chilis. Which is Bull. But when ur not a favorite anymore...you'll get that treatment I guess. I have decided the reason I feel so blah is because I am so use to working..I wanna work a lot. I am a work-a-holic. I know this. It makes me feel alive..I hate being bored.
Gah have you ever looked at someones pic..and just wished you never met them...and it just really gets to you, that you let them in your life with all their terribleness? Im feeling that right about now..Its funny who twisted and crazy people can be...how they can just make things up and go with it...some of the people i know lie so much they actually believe what they are saying..
And the people who constantly bring me in the middle of things..nice.. I am all the way up in Indian Trail haven't gone out or done or seen anyone or anything..and I am still in the middle of it all...blows my effing mind. But I let it all go, so from now on anything I get from it...will be as simple as hitting the delete key and moving on.
Yeah it seems as soon as I am out of the stress bubble it opens back up. Money is a big thing right now...I have never felt what it feels to drown ...but I am getting it now..and I am not sure how to swim again. I got my taxes done but that wont even half cover what I owe..I cant tellyou the last ti me I went grocery shopping or actually ate a healthy meal. It rough. I always have the mentality that I will pull through that things will get better...I am on the thin line of not believing it this time...but I will keep on going...you never know what will happen:) Hence why I have no time for this Gay ass drama...Like I have real issues to worry about. Its a scary feeling drowning. But I save everything I can and only to pay bill after bill.
Things will look up soon. I am pretty thankful for every little thing I have, and I am smart enough to know I have to work harder for the things I need in life..I don't really want much..but there are things I actually need..so its a bit overwhelming.. But things will get brighter! Anyways...Now is the time, where I clean and organize my room to show I do have some control over my life...hahaha I have to wait for my lady love to get done doing hair..then I think we will hang out and do something...I always have fun with her..I like that about her..
ok so my mind has wondered and I am thinking about totally random things and I wanna move around...so yeah.....this is what stress does to me..so thanks for reading my jumble of words, I obviously need to wrote more so my head sorts it self out. So ill try and make that happen.
~Jenn~
I wanna first start off by saying I am dating someone new. I took a huge step giving who the person is and our past...But if you know me, I get past things really quickly. The girl I have decided to have the "unobtainable" me ( someone told me this once) is just plain amazing! I really dont know where I'd be without her, bc it just seems to make sense where I am with her. Already so comfortable I feel like ive been dating her for years..which is very rare for me to feel so comfortable around anyone. There have been obstacles..her parents...ridiculous drama that really doesnt have to involve us, but found its way in and was quickly shut down. eh, youll have that . Its silly. I'd be embarrassed if I actually got off on enjoying all that.
anyways. It baffles me on how some people can be when it comes to not loving or treating someone with care even if they are gay. It wont change. We arent going to go anywhere..Why do people feel it necessary to change us? And If i have to hear that we are going through a stage..one more time..I am 30...Im pretty certain there is no stage. I don't know. I want to get more heated and site specific details on this but I do not wanna disrespect anyone either. I do believe in order to get respect we must give it to those who are not comfortable with who we are. But still..I really have to many thoughts on all of this. I cant even continue writing about it. hahah
So I left Wags in the city...I had to move to Indian trail..for silly reasons..but I have always been the one to just pick up and move, to make sure everyone is comfortable...its actually starting to piss me off...how is this fair? I want stability to. I want a place I don't actually have to leave. I had that once...mistake leaving. I am super stressed about money. Where I live at the moment isnt convenient or gas friendly..but they were nice enough to give me a place when I Had nowhere..So i am very thankful..I am about to transfer Chilis. So Either Blakney or The Arboretum. Not sure yet. But it will be closer and I will hopefully work more shifts...bc I am not getting them at my Chilis. Which is Bull. But when ur not a favorite anymore...you'll get that treatment I guess. I have decided the reason I feel so blah is because I am so use to working..I wanna work a lot. I am a work-a-holic. I know this. It makes me feel alive..I hate being bored.
Gah have you ever looked at someones pic..and just wished you never met them...and it just really gets to you, that you let them in your life with all their terribleness? Im feeling that right about now..Its funny who twisted and crazy people can be...how they can just make things up and go with it...some of the people i know lie so much they actually believe what they are saying..
And the people who constantly bring me in the middle of things..nice.. I am all the way up in Indian Trail haven't gone out or done or seen anyone or anything..and I am still in the middle of it all...blows my effing mind. But I let it all go, so from now on anything I get from it...will be as simple as hitting the delete key and moving on.
Yeah it seems as soon as I am out of the stress bubble it opens back up. Money is a big thing right now...I have never felt what it feels to drown ...but I am getting it now..and I am not sure how to swim again. I got my taxes done but that wont even half cover what I owe..I cant tellyou the last ti me I went grocery shopping or actually ate a healthy meal. It rough. I always have the mentality that I will pull through that things will get better...I am on the thin line of not believing it this time...but I will keep on going...you never know what will happen:) Hence why I have no time for this Gay ass drama...Like I have real issues to worry about. Its a scary feeling drowning. But I save everything I can and only to pay bill after bill.
Things will look up soon. I am pretty thankful for every little thing I have, and I am smart enough to know I have to work harder for the things I need in life..I don't really want much..but there are things I actually need..so its a bit overwhelming.. But things will get brighter! Anyways...Now is the time, where I clean and organize my room to show I do have some control over my life...hahaha I have to wait for my lady love to get done doing hair..then I think we will hang out and do something...I always have fun with her..I like that about her..
ok so my mind has wondered and I am thinking about totally random things and I wanna move around...so yeah.....this is what stress does to me..so thanks for reading my jumble of words, I obviously need to wrote more so my head sorts it self out. So ill try and make that happen.
~Jenn~
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)