The Space between, the wicked lies.

The Space Between,Where you're smiling high. The bullets in our firefight. Is where I'll be hiding, waiting for you, The rain that falls, Splash in your heart. Ran like sadness down the window into your room..I feel sick. I do not care for it. I don't know if its because of all the working, or the stress, or both. When I get super stressed out I tend to catch a cold or something. . Ugh I hate it. My body collapses under stress, I thought I was doing a great job at just being happy. Hell I have been working so much for stuff that I kinda lost, so it felt good to get it all back and then some..but I am just sad sometimes I guess..
I hate that anyone can get to me, and that some people love actually knowing they get to you..its not a good thing and its not OK. I am surrounded by girls who love to be treated like shit. They will ditch you for a douche canoe, even when you try so hard to make them smile, they run to that person that ultimately makes them miserable in the end.. Why do you think girls do this? I mean I care about people up until they hurt me, or do something stupid like leave you for someone, or hurt you, or lie, etc...But As soon as that happens, I cut ties, I still care about them. But I am done with them. Because in the end you'll lose your self..that's not OK in my book.
I have decided i will probably never find that "one".. sure Ill have people tell me i love you forever.... Its funny now i silly i must have looked...with all the girls I let in..i know you cant control your feelings...but it is OK for you to tell that person, look...this prolly wont be forever...or if ur not sure don't say forever..its a horrible word.. because forever seems like the shortest amount of time to me. PS this blog reflects a current situation not to misunderstood from anything in the past...I dont know how much more i can be clear on this...
Anyways, That's about all I got, I don't even know where I am going with this, I am just so bothered by so much and so much drama and lying going on, I just don't understand...I am glad to work so much, so I don't expose myself to it anymore..I need a lot of new people in my life...and I have met a few, so I am excited to see where this goes...I need to look forward, I saw on someones face book....you need to look out the windshield, not ur rear view mirror...I'm thinking California more and more now. Bc I wanna be something I was born to be...

OK i need sleep, sickness will not go away with no sleep. thanks for reading. gnight!

~jenn~

song of my night...part 2 to happiness..

I don't know where to start Say I'm tired or throw a party These cucumber eyes are lying the more that I smile about it.And all of my clothes feel like somebody's old throwaways I don't like it.It's good to be in love. It really does suit you Just like everything. I'm happy you're in love,
'Cause every colour goes where you do. I'm adoring you.It's all good.You're so beautiful.I'm black and blue all over.You're breaking my flow, how could you know what I'm saying about it
When all of my clothes feel like somebody's old throwaways.I don't like it It's good to be in love.
It really does suit you Just like everything. I'm happy you're in love, 'Cause every colour goes where you do. I feel so powerless I've got to stop it somehow oh come on, what can I do? Why's it happening?How's it happening without me? Why's it happening?How's it happening that she feels without me? It's good to be in love. It really does suit you Just like everything. I'm happy you're in love, 'Cause every colour goes where you do.
'Cause every colour goes where you do...

ah i love frou frou, been in the mood all day for it! Ps this song does not directly relate to anyone out there hahah people always ask me, um what does that song mean...hahah I just cant get it out of my head...and this is my blog..so ill write what i want!

~jenN~

theres is another new one right below this!!vvv

happiness.. is a mat outside my doorway....

So this is a tough time of the year for me, always is around this time. No matter what happens this certain time always feels the same when I lost him. But i get by , by thinking he'd be proud. I might not be this great thing. But he taught me to respect people. and I do. even if i dont want to :/ So yeah. This is just a little note to say I miss you. i love you!


Ive been working so hard, up everyday outside walking and walking and sweating and running and then to the bar to sweat and deal with that..its rewarding though. I got a new well 2003 Jeep Liberty! That I intend on keeping until next year, then I'm trading that in for my wrangler;) That's what My financial adviser aka Sean aka the chew ninga master 5000 says to do!! haha anyways that's what I plan to do! But this involves mucho work, but I have this whole budget worked out and its looking pretty good!
oh yeah I also don't have my phone anymore, but no worries! soon. I want the new iPhone, ive been spoiled but i don't need a cell phone right now. Its not a necessity pretty much..so eh...and i don't wanna spend money on it just yet..so face booking me will be ur best bet, not that I am ever at home to actually check it. haha
I am sitting here, half naked drinking a beer alone...this is happiness i tell you what. I need to go shower, after walking three dogs, a 2 mile run with one of them and a night bar shift. I need to relaaaaaax! and all again tomorrow! Except ill be heading to the hideaway to talk to mac, but i already talked about that. so anyways. I'm also thinking before that maybe El Cancun to suck down a margarita for old time sake;) yes sounds perfect. Ok well I am going to shower, drink down this nice cold beer and hit the hay..alone....comfy! Gnight!


~Jenn~

When life hands you a big ol sour nasty lemon..

You make some amazing lemonade! That is just what I did, I saved up some money, and I effing bought a car! I am pretty excited! Monday today, will be a day I remember. I got my new bank account/visa card, so i can get money out of my count that ive been depositing, i got my insurance papers, so now i can Legally skate for RCRD! I got approved to buy a car! This is huge;)
By Nature I keep thinking, uh oh whats gonna go wrong now...but I cant think like that. I am definitely busy. I am working for Wags in the city by day, bar tending at night, and Mac wants me to work down at the hideaway to, so Thursday Ill be going down to talk to him, nothing Def yet. But we will see. I don't really hang out there anymore, but working could be kool! And I seem to just be working a lot, well bc that's all I got going on right now. Trying to be that responsible girl that so little people think I am. I am glad I am where I am now. I have so many people to thank for that.
Everyone in my life has impacted me in someway and I sometimes feel I need to let them know. Things have gone good and bad in my life, but I have always grown more as a person with each person I have come in contact with or befriended or dated..I wanna take time to thank everyone...Beth. Me and you have been through a lot...you've pissed me off, I've pissed you off, but we always had the connection I know I never forgot about you and even now. me and you being where we are, seems to cause a lot of gossip and weirdness, but i like that we just stick to ourselves and stay out of it. And now whatever it is that we are building together is so great in my eyes but so scary and I'm just glad we both want the same things in life right now.... Shay, you made me a better person. We didn't work. but we were great when we were great. things went south bad and fast and I am sorry I tried so hard to make us kool... I am so happy ur happy now. Not that approval is needed. Without you I wouldn't be where I am today. so thank you. Randy for always being there for me, even though you pissed shay off and things got bad, eh stuff happens, one day we will all look back and laugh..but for what you and ur dad did for me too;) and Joy. For being the single most consistent thing in my life. And no matter what. Being there.
I have had a lot of people come back into my life, Sam, Shane, Ashley, its nice. Chelsey (aboot time i spelled it right eh?) and Chewy, who worked his magic to get me this car.And to Kyle and Logan who i met at chilis one fine day and they turned out to be amazing guys who are into to film and go to Art Inst. They are doing a doc on gay community and want my help hosting it and editing..so that would rock!And Ramon who got me the job shooting for Nascar!! this weekend..on top of a packed work schedule I am gonna take that one full force!!.I just really needed some good people in my life. Not that I didn't before, I just sheltered myself off and stayed at home all the time. I was happy doing that, but i understand I got boring and I got fat .hahah. But not now, I cant fit a damn thing i own.. But its nice, i feel good.
I am taking life day by day, bc I know that no matter how much you think you have control over it can all be taking away from you in a second. And that is a scary thing. So now, i have all this stuff i need to do...so day by day I will work to achieve this. I will not stress and take it out on anyone, I will just work really hard to make it all mine :)


So dog walking...can I just say it truly is amazing that I get to spend the days outside and not really dealing with people just cute well behaved dogs! Its nice, i go to all the same dogs everyday and I have gotten a bit attached to them. I do mostly dogs in south park area and near there..its just nice. Beth saved me when she let me work for her, bc if i had to deal with waiting on people anymore everyday all day I was gonna for real scream or sooooomething! So...yeah. I guess i wanted to share my good luck...good luck....ahh after the last blog I wrote I thought I was going crazy or something bc all the insane that happened...but I feel its all gonna be ok now. So yeah thanks to everyone that made it all possible and stuff and stuff. Well I am gonna go to bed now...bc my work schedule this coming week makes me wanna crawl in a corner and cry. hahah jk Im excited!!

Thanks for reading!

~Jenn~

Luck of the irish....

Does this mean bad luck or good luck? Ha "if it werent for bad luck i would have no luck at all" right? Exactly. This week has been nothing but bad luck...I guess it happens to everyone, maybe not. But I for one second thought....I feel like this is all getting set up. It was that damn hippy witch..i tell ya. imagine....

...ok fade up from black to a scene of me and Beth walking into the Home economics store...a cute little hippy store near down town Charlotte..we are killing time before meeting another co-worker for some house keys...this weekend was a busy weekend for us bc all the dog owners were out of town.. Well they have a whole section dedicated to Granola and trail mix, and if you know me, this made me ridiculously happy! So we are picking me out a little of this and a little of that. Beth grabs a label to tape the bag and we are on our way...walking through isles and saying oh i want this and that...right before we leave we come across a lady doing like Quantum touch and pressure points on the toes and feet...

Beth is like ooo so we stop and start to talk....we tell her we need to go bc we were only there for a small amount of time and needed to go...she continues to talk...very bossy...hippy but weird...touching us and showing us how to do all this stuff. While she is touching Beth, Beth gets sick out of nowhere...then her phone disappears...literally...then we search the store over and over calling it, digging through her car and the store..freaking out...that lady was trying to help us but wouldn't let us leave...

I feel like she cursed us, I then finally posted up on facebook we need a new phone bc Beth lost hers or the vanishing witch act..hahah but we needed it asap bc with out her phone shes lost bc of her business, its all down here from here....we have mishaps with some stuff, im not writing about...i get pulled over for driving to slow???!!! and expired tag i didn't realize was expired hahah huge ticket, i haven't been pulled since high school!!! Um last night, we had an issue, that involved lots of not good things, cops and taser guns...(not us) just someone who snuck in and came over with not good intentions, im just freaking out, like i feel this lady cursed us. haha. I totally believe in that too. but why?

That lady said I had good energy hahah and told Beth to keep me around. haha such a weird labor day weekend...Beth told me next labor day we will look back and say hey remember last labor day? I hope so. I hope it only gets better from here... I really thought that after Shay took my car from me, that would be the last run of bad luck that could possibly happen to me for right now. And man has it been hard on me since that happened, but feels good to not have anyone have that control of threat anymore. Like I live for me now, no matter if I do good, or make a mistake I will not worry about getting a text of threat. Its nice, in all my years of bad relationships though, I have never threatened anyone. It wasn't me letting them walk over me..I just know the difference between right and wrong. But some people are good at hitting below the belt. Eh, chalk it up to lessons learned, NEVER let anyone give you something, but make you keep it in their name...never!

Its happened to me before, and I cant believe i fell for it again. ah in the past, dead and gone. I have a bud who is meeting me at the chili pepper today, who is going out of his way to try and get me a car at his dealership...though, my new goal is saving everything i make bc i really want that wrangler Ive been dreaming of since, um i dunno, birth!!! So who knows?! a yellow and black one! A guy at my complex has one...its huge mud tired huge lift, lights b-e-a-utiful!!!

who knows, anyways gotta go, bar-tending calls me! Its been so fun latley only working the good shifts up there, the moeny has been excellent! and Tuesdays literally consist of half a bar of people who come to see me!! I almost lost some of them, they told me they came by and left bc my Volvo wasn't there, but they are all aware now.. haha. it makes ya feel good to have people who enjoy ur company that they come to work to hang with you;) ok well thats all for now.

Pray this bad luck just stops! for real! cuz daaazam!


~Jenn~