Have you ever loved someone so much..that you really just cant put in to words how much you actually do. And no ,matter how much you seem to show it, you just cant get the feeling across. It all started with a girl...who was broken. More broken than she will ever let anyone know...presently still. Who uses her joking and humor as away to feel accepted and not so insecure. Who trys to work so much so she doesn't have time to think straight. Enter gorgeous girl, without a care in the world. So much freedom on life..and doesn't need to worry about much. The two meet..one who is so stressed out from life and one who takes life day by day...Now the first girl...really is care free...so is the second...they meet, and it seems to be the most perfect thing..So why does girl number one get scared.
In case you don't know, girl number one is me. Insecurity seems to be my middle name. I will never run or give up. I just want to make everyone happy, and I want everyone to not hurt and to smile..and I just want the whole world to be. OK. I separate myself from everyone most of the time mentally. I look at things differently and I see whats important. Do i get worried? sure. Do i stress out? who doesnt? I know things are ok..but just as I think they can be...something happens. yet I keep on moving day to day living life forgiving and forgetting. Its what I do best. I am not a fighter..I have pretty much removed myself from stressful situations. So why do I feel so out of place..maybe im use to chaos..and I dont know how to handle the calm:/
So yeah..im not really sure where this is going...I just know..my life needs to take a turn for some goodness. I am ready to have a real job and be a little more stable..I don't know what stable it..I mean really stable...a home to call my own and to stay put. This moving thing is getting to be a tad bit ridiculous. I use to be able to write so well..but now, im not sure what to say?
I know I am ready for the summer...and to skate as much as possible. and to become extremely well at it..I really try so hard to make this my biggest priority but its so hard when you have to work all the time..That is why i need a stable early in the day job..eh one day;)
and...yeah after this kool phone call i had, im done writing. gnight.
~Jenn~
