So I have been working like a mad woman...I keep this up and I plan to get out of debt by the end of Jan. Thats my plan. Im caught up on the important stuff..and slowly trying to buy things i need to live...that i lost recently. Its a bitch sharing shit..and then all that changes...each day i get better and better about life..am I still lost..yeah. People sometimes handle it differently..some people move on and welll..yeah....and well some people like me...reflect and say. well this is what i did wrong...this is what i did right..and this is why I am glad im done. its funny how you think you could know for certain what you wanted and really think they did too...then it means nothing like literally the week later.perks of being a lesbian..or something like that..I need to date an older woman..ahaha. but what can you do..i realized i thought to much about wanting to be with someone..thats i lost myself all over again.annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnyways.....DERBY! starts back tomorrow! new facility...all the girls! I am excited!!! I need that to be back around...i need that distraction...i need to work out..

I have been losing weight..im not really proud how...meaning not eating..I am going to maybe visit a doc soon to see about my anxiety..i refuse to wanna take pills..giving everyone around me seems to be addicted to something..i cant be that. someone at work told me to smoke pot...i don't think i could go there either..ive tried...but ewe..i cant get use to it. im worried about working out tomorrow..i really do try to eat...its just with all that went on...now my stomach is like Nope...sorry! hahah..sucks...well it doesn't really...im not big into food anyways...but i know i need it. im sure once i get settled and get comfortable i will change that pattern and try to eat. like for real. Tomorrow im gonna venture to the PUMA store bc I got a gift card...and I am getting some new shoes...I am so excited...Just gonna go ahead think my best for that;) working out in converse...just doesn't feel great. hahah. My plan with derby this year is to keep a better tab on my blog about the season as it happens...I haven't written in the derby blog for awhile...but i will change that...so all you creepers...follow me there too;)

anyways...i worked a double today straight through..made enough to make a car payment...chilis has been good to me the past 2 weeks..im not complaining..i needed it bc i am drowning ...but I am super tired...its 1:03 and I am prolly gonna be up till 5am again..anyways..im getting distracted by lindsey on FB..hahahah im done writing...peace out!


~JenN~