So, its been many many hours since I have actually slept and days since i have actually eaten a real meal...my sis just made me eat a banana...but the jeans i couldn't comfortably fit i can now..hahah..anyways a certain someone convinced me to get a plenty of fish account...ahhaha let me tell you...funny stuff..i didn't put a pic up at first...i just wanted to look around bc i was bored and its funny seeing people you know on there and what they say..so then i added a few pics..and boom....those girls were blowing me up...some scarey...a couple really hot..ive only talk to 2 out of the 3000 that messaged me....(exaggeration btw) now I am not in to online dating at all and it scares me..but it keeps me busy. and well i need some confidence and cheering up right now...it was funny i was sitting with Jen and we noticed we got a message from the same girl....said the same thing..so we both responded with the same answer..yeah those are my perks these days..but it was comical. i refuse to date online or date right now..i mean how could I? i wont be ready for that until i survive 2012...as you can tell I am in better spirits today..moms appointment went well and the bad fall she had last night didn't effect any of her healing...it was scary though to come in a see your mom on the floor. and paramedics all around and the family...oh the family I am at a loss for words on whats going on...what ever happen to staying strong...protecting the ones you really love...people just piss that away don't they? I don't...i respect each person I love...maybe that comes from losing people I loved...but anyways...today was better.. minus a almost... i don't know what you call it, high school gay drama shit that my name was drug in to...classy. I guess ridiculous stuff like that..given my family stuff right now, just isn't important. Right now my concern is my mom and getting her to the health she needs to be...I don't care about dating...people who claim they love me...but show none of the signs...and just craziness! no time.i took my past break up bad...i mean what kind of asshole acts like they just don't care...well...eh..with all that's happened though its put some thoughts in my head to maybe i jumped the gun on some of the stuff .....blah enough about that..so i wanna take a second to say..My bud..Emily Rupar...left this house at 1am last night to be with me and help me carry my mom up several steps to where she is now...and sat with me..and was there for me when this all was just to much for me..i don't think i have ever cried like last night..to see my mom cry is to much for me at times..but yeah she drove all the way down to SC to make sure i was OK. That is a true friend...its been a long time...since Joy that Ive had someone who cared so much. Thank you. Joy is moved away now..and I miss her still. Making plans to visit her this Jan and I cant wait!

So anyways...i took a random test on this gay POF thing...and it ask me like a billion questions on everything and It kinda pegged me on what I seem to want with a relationship..and realized I have never found this..so maybe that's my problem..i don't think anyone exists out there...hahah anyways this was the results of the main test...

*Interdependence
Bottom line: you need someone who likes frequent physical and emotional connection like you do, but who helps keeps dependency in check in the relationship so that you two do not lose your identities as individuals.

*Intimacy
you need someone who desires and reciprocates intimacy as much as you do.

*Self-efficacy
you need a partner who has a good degree of energy, enthusiasm and self-efficacy like you, as opposed to a partner who needs constant nurturance and reassurance to feel empowered and valued as person.

*Relationship readiness
ou need someone who is not looking to be taken care of, but rather who is realistic about the hard work it takes to build and maintain a stable and satisfying relationship.

*Communication
you need someone who is eager to give, collect and discuss information with you patiently versus communicate with you on superficial levels out of convenience.

*Conflict resolution
you need a partner who is patient, a “big picture thinker” and can relinquish control and pride to make the best decisions for the good and growth of the relationship.

*Sexuality
you need someone who regards sex as a meaningful bond between people in love and who appreciates when it is planned to some extent rather than completely spontaneous.

*Attitudes toward love
You need someone whose highest priority is your relationship and is willing to do the hard work to keep a transcendent level of love alive in the relationship.

*Preferred Expressions of Affection
This does not mean that you neither like nor need Verbal Communication. Rather, it suggests that you need someone who can show affection in ways other than just verbal expressions such as spontaneous compliments, frequent “I love you’s,” occasional notes for you to find and recognition of your achievements.

pretty much me. i guess. hahah as gay as it is..but i mean im gay...so yay! id like to find a real lesbian who doesnt believe in cheating and is pretty much awesome. so me? id like to date me. bwahahhahah ugh i need sleep...im gonna lay down before i meet some people out. i need to get my head away from reality for a bit...

thanks for reading and i offended you...well.as always...dont read..


~jenn~