All good things...

Not sure where to go, Everybody I know, Says I'm too forgiving.
And now that I'm gone, I don't wanna move on, I just keep reliving....Lost inside of my head, Empty side of the bed, I feel this place without you.
I keep pushing the bruise, 'Cause I don't want to lose, What I love about you...love the weepies. Very smart people. I am finally writing bc things have overwhelmed me and I'm just sad. Number one goal. Don't cry while writing. So this week I've been at the hospital a lot with my mom.. She got a knee replacement and it's been super rough. I don't like seeing my mom in there. After losing my dad and seeing him for the last time in a hospital.. It weighs on your heart and mind. I'm literally shaking as I'm writing this. She seems to be doing fine. But she's in so much pain.. It hurts me so hard to see it.. So I just go and sit and be with her and if she wakes up I'm there so she can talk to me..teresa has been there too which is good. She got released today and is safely at home. I've been dealing with a lot of other issues... Sometimes I just wanna wrote about It then sometimes I get to sad and can't..

I remember first meeting up with u and taking a long walk.. Then inviting u over and sitting nervously beside each other... Where did they go? The two that feel so hard so fast for each other. It's sad. I know what I want... But im not sure it matters anymore..

This is by far the worst xmas eve ever! I'm sitting at home. Alone ... Been laying in the dark. Playing music... Messing on Facebook. Thinking of a billions things i could do... Wondering when everything got bad in my life and why.. I seem to be following a cycle
Not sure how to get out of.. I really just want to be happy.. I want such basic things in life.. But I literally have no idea how to obtain them

This does not feel like Xmas eve... My dogs aren't here.. The girl I'm in love with isn't here... My life isn't here anymore... I'm not ready to start a new one..it doesn't feel right. What is this pain in my body I'm feeling... It's horrible! What if instead of heartache u got like a foot ache. So when u lose the one u wanted for life.. Ur toe hurts. That's be interesting.. Always trying to make light of a situation. I truly hope things work out. Whatever they work out to be..Because this feeling isn't ok.. Maybe it's karma for something I did.. I can't think of what though.. Maybe it's just fate. Hate that word. But we all knew that. I've been writing this for three days now... And I cry each time.. It's getting better. I'm ready to skate again... We've been on break for the holidays And I need something to get me focused! We won the chocolate refuse grant that everyone so awesomely voted for! Thank you!! That's really exciting. Rumour has it I'll be making an appearance on the website saying we won! Well not me actually saying it hahah. Looking forward to our new season. Coming up this year! We have a new facility At break away sports! Pretty excited about it! Anyways. Gonna try and get some sleep.. Not been much possible.. I know santas not visiting tonight.. Sad. Waking up to no one or nothing on Xmas is sad. I don't care who u are. Breaks my heart... Anyways thanks for reading this silly sad blog.. It felt better to get some of it out. It's not. Pity party attempt.. I'm just sad. Gnight.

~Jenn~