sorry I am

I'm sorry I didn't sound more excited on the phone. I'm sorry that after all these years I've left you feeling unrequited and alone, brought you to tears. I guess I never loved you quite as well as the way you loved me. I guess I'll never really be able to tell you how sorry I am....And I don't know what it is about you. I just know it's not what it was. I don't know why red fades before blue it just does and I don't know what it is about me that I just can't keep still. I keep thinking someday I will make this all up to you..and maybe someday I will. I guess I never loved you quite as well as the way you loved me. I guess I'll never really be able to tell you how sorry I am...

You know what sux..more than anything in the world right now..I cant remember my dreams..Not one little second...I always remember my dreams. Its difficult for me...because I sleep to dream. Its the only good thing i get from sleeping and now I don't have that. beat up eh? haha I thought so. So this blog...well has no purpose...I dont think...by the end of that I may uncover more about me... who knows...so enjoy my newly found journey to self discovery possibly.. ha who knows.

So last night, i was cleaning some and found this picture I use to have hung up at the hideaway..


Makes me smile and sad all at the same time...things then were so fun and care free and different..i miss those days and should have never completely stopped doing what I was doing. I wasn't sure what i was actually trying to do, but it was fun and funny..hahah. ah good times.

I have no purpose for this blog..Other than I can think of a billion other places with certain people I would rather be with..and cant really do that...because it just isn't right at the moment...nor will it ever be i suppose. My "love" life has been one big emotional non existent roller coaster...that even I cant get a grip on at the moment...so there is no use in wasting words on describing it..other than...I wish i could have done that a whole lot different and would take most of it back. I don't regret much...but I do feel no so comfortable with choices I have made recently.. and to have gone without them wouldn't be so bad either. i can be so dumb. haha

you live you learn. that's not what i wanna focus on here...what do I wanna focus on...yes I wanna make a video..I'm thinking to something by The Spill Canvas...i have so many ideas and not enough people willing to be a part of it...or even the time to create it. I would do it myself but its hard to video and act and do it all, not impossible, just annoying..and I am not much for acting really...well kinda...not amazing...anyways ill think more on this..I need a better camera and soon a better computer..

Dec4th, is our first Bout!! Location:First Ward Recreation Center Time:4:00PM Saturday! So you guys need to come out and support us! I will not be playing in this one, bc I am still really new...but I will be there! Doing something! haha So yeah...come support us!! you can get tickets here...www.charlottespeeddemons.com. I am excited I actually get my picture taking soon and Ill be up on the site too..I really am so thankful to have met all these guys and girls involved...its pretty much the only thing I am really involved at the moment. they rock! And they got me boxing too...they are having a championship fight and keep joking that I need to be in it..i hit hard...but I don't wanna get hit.. hahah dork.

My hand is all swollen from the last training..I hit that bag hard, and wrist did something weird..Im been icing it today and taking it easy. I actually had a day off today and I did nothing..Beth needed my jeep so I just sat here..and played rock band on my phone..yeah i was dorky enough to buy the whole app for 10 bucks , but so worth it.

What else is new...I totally just went on a picture commenting rampage on face book. a.d.d much. hello...This blog obviously just cant get deep tonight...I am ok with that...deep usually, but not always means, something is bothering me...and well not much is right now...I mean it is..but I don't wanna talk about it...more later..

.La fille danse Quand elle joue avec moi Et je pense que je l'aime des fois Le silence, n'ose pas dis-donc Quand on est ensemble Mettre les mots Sur la petite dodo...

gnight.


~JenN~