This is my new saying..why. Lately I have felt like, whats the word..inadequate? Maybe..Second best...not the "it" kinda girl..haha take your pick..I mean I get told I am amazing..and pretty kool kinda girl...not that it matters, for once in my life I really don't want a girlfriend. Like I don't even crave it...Ive always been dating someone..never any single time...this time its different..Lately I have had a lot of me time...the people I started hanging out with recently..well...that's a story I don't wanna talk about..not bad, just I miss them..but...and Shane done went and got busy...Beth has a girl who is super sweet...but they are always doing something..so its been me and an iPhone full of music...working a bar somewhere, and skating...I walk around every where in a tshirt, hoodie, jeans, converse, sunglasses and headphones. That's my new style of choice..I don't care to dress up unless its a special occasion, I don't want to impress anyone..i don't care to..Not that I am giving up on myself...far from it. I think I am helping myself. I don't know how to explain it. So many thoughts going on in my head. I like to write...sometimes, i do think, shit...who reads this? They are gonna know all these thoughts in my head..But I like writing..I guess i don't have to make it public..but eh what the hey right?
I am in such a state of confusion at the moment..Everyday I think about taking angels offer and move to Cali..why am I scared...I have nothing really keeping me here...no substance, no one who is willing to actually love every hair on my head...maybe I should just go...I feel after a gun to my head ( not that i wanna keep using that) i just have a different train of thought now..I see the important things, and could give a shit about the dumb things...you just never know how long you have something or someone around...I find myself taking the time to enjoy every single thing and body around me. I am not out to shit talk anyone, or hurt anyone..I want everyone to be happy and comfortable..even it means I am not.. ahhh I am losing my train of thought..I do have derby and am becoming very comfortable with them all...and a couple i hang with now..and they are so much fun!! I am glad i decided to just got for it..not let anyone make me feel i couldn't do it...even though i went through some crazy stuff before i actually get in there...but I'm there now..and its amazing..
Chances, why do people take them? Are they a good thing, or a bad thing...why does it matter anyway? good questions...I have no idea where I am going with this, but if you are a reader of my mind and blog then you'll understand this jumping around...I have a such a thought process, it literally branches off like a huge tree...one thing always make me think of the next and i always think about what I'm gonna say before i say it which makes me think more... hahaha wow. anyways...i think that's all for now, I think I might actually be sleepy...I haven't really slept in while..I think I need to for real. I have so much in my head, and these thoughts need to either disappear or sleep or something...because I am getting tired of them..well gnight. everyone. thanks for reading..
~JenN~
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