Storms scare me..

It's storming. Seems like the
First time since I've lived here. I'm laying in bed and it's dark and the lighting. Yikes. If you know me then you know exactly why I hate it. It's raining pretty bad here and the wind is
Shifting my window so it's knocking.
But it's peaceful. Lots changing around me just like this horrible weather. Mostly just like the sunny hot days I get my hopes up for something amazing only for it get dark and dreary again. It's ok, I don't much mind the dreary lately. Even if pain is what I feel it's lets me know I'm alive...I had a dream last night ...well several insane dreams. One was I wondered if I could
Make it alone. With out her.. Then I woke up scared and then realized it happened and I am and didn't know where I was.. That's the first time anything like that has ever happened to me. It threw me off. My dreams are insane lately. But I love dreaming. It's the number one reason I sleep. Otherwise sleep is a waste of time for me when there are so many other things I could be doing. I need to sleep. I picked up a double tomorrow. On a sat?! CIAA weekend?! I know. But if I don't work I literally go
Crazy out of my mind. I haven't been doing much lately.. We got the house we looked at so we are moving next week. It will be kinda nice that no one really knows where. I feel like I can start over. In a sense. My room is pretty awesome. And it has closets.. It's not a closet. Haha. Jk I love my little room.. But I can't wait to
Color coordinate my clothes again and hang them up;) I think it's a great place and me and Emily both wants dogs.. One that no one can take from me again. It has a nice fenced in yard and an art studio in back. Emily got excited and suggested I use it for my green screen and videos.. She's so supportive of me. And what I love. She's an amazing friend. I joke around and tell her if I ever decide to date agin that anyone i date prolly won't like her. But no one really understands our relationship. But I get long amazingly with her man friend mike wazowski! Haha. I have him that NIC-name hahah hes pretty Kool. And she smiles around him. So that good enough for me! But most people aren't Kool like that. We went on an outdoor skate tonight and it was so much fun.. She took me to a huge parking deck and we took the elevator up and flew down. It was so much fun. I was scared a little haha she's a daredevil. Then we skated back home. It was a fun night. And burped sushi all night bc we went to a cute little sushi place. And i got her hooked on Friday night lights which I'm sad to say ended. Rats!!

I hear so many sirens.. Perks of living next to the hospital. Sounds bad. There are a ton of them. People never know how to drive in this weather.

So I've had a couple of decent job opportunities. Waiting is the hardest part. Chilis is just well it's Chilis. The staff we have now are just..wow. I mean we have a few decent people. But man.. No work ethic. It's just overwhelming now. I'm ready for a
Change. In everything ...in life. Derby is the one thing I have going for me that I don't wanna change. Maybe be better and faster. Aspire to jam?! I don't know.. Could happen. But. Change is good. No more chasing someone
Who clearly never wanted me.. No more being silly and remembering why I am who I am.. And why most people love me. No more letting people make me feel unimportant. I've always been terrified to be alone. But I'm not now. It's hard hearing about the x and all she's done... Comes with having mutual friends. Realizing you were dumb and gullible is a hard pill to swallow. But its a lesson learned. I think I've just about figure out the perfect lay out of the common douche canoe and how to spot them. Prevent it from happening again. I have good people to talk to. Well one I live with me and one who I text alllllll the time. Who I wish i saw more!! I feel good knowing I have them to listen. I'm normally the listener. And everyone vents to me.

But things are looking up. Ready for this move and hopefully more work and more derby! Anyways that's about it. My random thoughts.. The storm is gone for the moment and now I can sleep. I'm weird about laying in bed alone when it storms. It's amazing and horrifying at the same time to me :-/ anyways thanks for reading. And yeah that's all I got...

~jenn~